Toeti Heraty (1933- ), "熟女情歌" @ 蔗尾蜂房

熟女情歌
--Toeti Heraty (1933- )，羅浩原譯

一家位在雅加達峇里區的汽車旅館
自抬聲價取名叫「大廈」
一位中年婦女，在此等待情人
開了間三千文錢的房間，悶熱的很
電風扇又卡住不轉了
浴室有點發黴，但水是清的
黃色塑膠的洗澡瓢
泛藍的床單
牆壁沒很乾淨，滿是灰塵
上面被馬克筆塗鴉了
「羅密歐與茱麗葉」的字樣
下面寫著「琦琦與伊曼」
還用個心型框起來插著兩隻箭

她不介意等待，但有點煩擾
或說是被冒犯更恰當
剛才賓館老闆讓她上樓時
滿臉質疑：
「這個應召女郞，又來得急忙忙
大戶人家裝扮，雖說有點羞答答」
街上的聲音從外面傳來
三輪車伕、肉酥麵攤與錫匠挑子
此起彼落鑽進窗戶，還聽見
老奶奶尖聲咒罵晾的衣服
被玩耍的孩子們弄髒了

等待沒什麼
雖說等得有點久了
搞什麼鬼，什麼事耽誤了他
她坐了會兒，然後躺下
不安地抓著枕頭
試圖驅走各式各樣的疑慮
「親愛的，我現在是如此渴望與需要你
你此時此刻可別違背約定
縱然你已經慣於
背叛你的妻子
這不僅僅是一場幽會
我們的關係很長久了
我只想要嚐一點生活的甜蜜
啊，我如此希冀這點基本的權利

他該不會恢復理智
回到他妻子身邊
在那邊他又生出別的考量：
「我不是已非常忠誠地
養大小孩、幫家裡掙錢
已將我們的貸款還清
與妻子的家族維持不錯的關係
寄住家中那群該死的小舅子們除外！
每逢禮拜日、開齋節、
祈福祭宴的日子，辦社交餐會
兩人偶爾看看電影、表演
說說鄰居是非
這些也是一種羈絆…」

「我為何還在此等待？
——不知羞恥——他一定已回家了
我還在希冀什麼，不正經
這樣等別人的丈夫——」

她要起身，啊，但已陷入床中
就在此時門嘎然而開，他進來了
提著愛可樂牌的007公事包
毋須等待了
種種疑慮不再作用
毋須平時必要的寒暄、擁吻
浪費時間，因為這張床
不久前還像塊大陸分隔了北極與
南極，現在已被跨越
被一對中年男女跨越
置身於骯髒灰塵中的男女
在灰塵默默目睹下吸吮著蜜漿
生命已不再年輕
已滿是傷疤，而彼此愛撫
吻吮著過去被荊棘、利器、各種事物
劃破的生命創傷
在這一兩小時中
足以立收復原之效——
確實如此但時機不長
門又被敲響了：
「房錢稍早已付過了，現在送來找錢
還有我們提供的浴巾
請問你們要點飲料嗎？」

Balada Setengah Baya
--Toeti Heraty (1933- )

Di suatu losmen di Kampung Bali
agak terhormat dengan sebutan Wisma
seorang wanita setengah baya, menunggu pacarnya
kamar yang tigaribu perak itu pengap
dengan kipas angin yang macet selalu
kamar mandi agak berlumut, tapi air jernih
gayung plastik kuning,
alas ranjang berwarna biru
tembok tidak begitu bersih, berdebu
ada coretan spidol:
“Romeo dan Julia”
di bawahnya “Cicih dan Iman”
gambar jantung ditembus dua panah terpadu

Tak apa menunggu—hanya agak terganggu
atau lebih tepat tersinggung barangkali
oleh pemilik losmen yang tadi membiarkannya
naik tangga tapi sambil bertanda-tanya:
“ini perempuan dipesan, datangnya terlalu terburu-buru
gaya gedongan lagi, meskipun agak malu-malu”
di luar bunyi-bunyi jalanan terdengar
bajay, baso dan tukang pateri
nimbul naik lewat jendela, terdengar
nenek cerewet memaki-maki, jemuran
dikotori anak-anak bermain tadi

Tak apa menunggu—
meski sudah agak lama
apa gerangan, yang menunda kedatangannya
ia duduk, kemudian terbaring
bantal didekap gelisah,
menghalau macam-macam pertimbangan:
“Sayang, aku sangat rindu dan butuh
jangan sekali-sekali kau khianati janji
walaupun terbiasa sudah
mengkhianati istri—
ini bukan sembarang kencan,
kita sudah lama berhubungan—,
sedikit manisnya hidup hendak kukecap,
ah, ini hak asasi yang sangat aku harap!”

Jangan-jangan ia telah sadar kembali
Kemudian pulang pada istri,
di sana ‘kan ada pertimbangannya juga:
“Bukankah aku telah cukup berbakti
membesarkan anak, nafkah dibantu mencari
hutang-hutang telah kita lunasi
hubungan dengan mertua lumayan,
meski dititipi ipar-ipar sialan!
hari-hari Minggu, waktu Lebaran
hari-hari selamatan, acara arisan
sekali-sekali nonton berdua,
membicarakan tetangga,
itu pun semacam ikatan juga ...”

“Apalagi yang kutunggu di sini!
—tak tahu malu—, pasti ia telah kembali
apa pula yang kuharap, tak sepantasnya
kutunggu suami orang—”

Ia bangkit, ah, terlanjur terjebak di ranjang
pas pintu berderak, dia masuk
bawa tas echolac
tak ada yang tertunda lagi
sekian pertimbangan tidak laku lagi
tanpa perlu basa-basi, peluk-cium
membuang waktu, karena ranjang
tadinya benua antara kutub utara dan
antarktika, kini telah diseberangi
oleh dua makhluk selengah baya
yang diantara mesum debu,
saksi-saksi bisu mengecap madu—
hidup yang tidak begitu muda lagi
telah cukup dilukai, dan saling membelai
mengecup bekas duri, senjata tajam, berbagai
torehan luka kehidupan
dalam waktu satu, dua jam, sempat langsung
mujarab disembuhkan—
memang, tak banyak kesempatan
lalu pintu diketuk lagi:
“Tadi kamar sudah dibayar, ini kembalinya
Sekalian anduk kami antar
Lantas mau pesan minum apa?”

Ballad of Middle Age
--Toeti Heraty (1933- ), translated by John H. McGlynn

In a hotel in the area of Kampung Bali,
one respectable enough to be called a hostel,
a woman of middle age awaits her lover
in a three-thousand rupiah room
stuffy, with its ever-stalling fan,
a mildewed bath, but the water is clean
a yellow plastic bathing dipper
a mattress with blue-colored spread
and grimy walls
with felt-tip markings:
"Romeo and Juliet"
and beneath that "Cicih and Iman"
in a heart pierced by two arrows

Waiting is no problem — but it had been irritating
or, perhaps, offensive would be the better word
to see the hotel owner, who had directed her to the
stairs, shake his head in wonder while asking himself:
"This is a call girl? You couldn't tell by the way she's
dressed. She's early besides; looks embarrassed too."
the sounds of the street outside are audible
calls of pedicab drivers, noodle vendors, and smiths
rise up and enter through the window
an old woman bitches how her wash has been dirtied
by the children playing outside

Waiting is no problem—
though it has been quite a while
what could possibly have delayed him
and so she sits, then lies down,
clutching the pillow anxiously
driving away untoward considerations:
"I want you and need you so much
don't ever betray my trust
no matter how customary it might be
for you to betray your wife —
this is not just another tryst,
we've known each other too long —
I long to taste a little of life's sweetness
this is the basic human right for which I long"
God forbid he's regained his good sense
and gone back home to his wife,
where there, too, are other considerations:
"Haven't I proved myself devoted
raising the children, helping with the income
we've paid off our debts
I get along fairly well with the in-laws
even those who, goddammit, still live in our home
Sundays and Holidays together,
feast days and club meetings too
every once in a while a film,
talking about the neighbors,
these too are a kind of bond..."

"Why am I waiting here?
don't I have any shame? he's gone back home for sure
what am I hoping for, even I know it's not proper
to be waiting for someone's husband..."

She moves, but is too late
the door creaks, and she is caught on the bed
as he enters, briefcase in hand
no need to delay
considerations no longer matter
no need for small talk, even kissing and hugging
is a waste of time, because the bed
which earlier had been a continent
somewhere between the North Pole and Antarctica
has now been crossed
by two persons of middle age
who, amid the grime, a silent witness, sip nectar —
lives no longer so young
and now so very scarred, unite
and kisses on wounds made by thorns and other foils,
all the sundry scores of life,
are in the space of one or two hours of time
miraculously healed
no, there's not much opportunity
and then another knock on the door
"You paid for the room, here's the change
and a change of towels as well
would you like to order something to drink?"

Toeti Heraty, John H. McGlynn, trans, A Time, A Season: Selected Poems of Toeti Heraty, Jakarta: The Lontar Foundation, 2003, p.94-101.